Saturday, April 2, 2016

Embracing our Sexuality as Women

“Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth: for thy love is better than wine.” Song of Solomon 1:2

Here’s what the most recent surveys, based on a 2013 study by Covenant Eyes ( tells us about women and how they view sexuality:

1. According to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Research, about half (49%) of young adult women agree that viewing pornography is an acceptable way of expressing one’s sexuality.

2. According to a survey of more than 11,000 college-age women, more than half (52%) of young women today are exposed to sexually explicit material by the age of 14.

3. According to a study published in the CyberPsychology and Behavior, 62% of women have seen pornography by the age of 18.

4. Exposures to porn during childhood are not just brief glimpses. Some teen girls are viewing online pornography for a half-hour or more at a time, and 1 in 7 have done this on multiple occasions.

5. About 1 in 5 women (18%) use the Internet for sexual purposes habitually—every week.
In a recent survey of women who are part of the Dirty Girls Ministries online community (an online support forum for women with sexual struggles)…

These statistics only begin to tell the story of how the enemy is killing, stealing, and destroying the very worth of girls and women of all ages through sexual addictions.  Shame, sex-trafficking, multiple relationships, and a search for love that will never be fulfilled are its end products.

At our Flourish event in February, we discovered women and girls want to discuss the topic of sexuality.  Women, of all ages, want to know where to go to find some answers and its time for the church to step up and be a safe place.  In turn, the Women of Calvary have made a decision to step out in faith and courageously do our best to address the wounds the enemy has caused in this area of our lives.  We have a new ministry, our first group formed from the Flourish event, called Pure Desire for Women.  Tawni Miller shared her story and how she has overcome the sexual addictions of her battle with love and relationships.  (Click here to here a snippet of Tawni’s story  scroll down the postings and you will find her story).   She's only one story, there are more women stepping up to share the hope and freedom they have found.

At our Women's Winter Gathering 2016, we had one of our C7 Staff members, Katy Payne, speak to us about the importance of "Flourishing" in the area of our sexuality.  Katy is a woman who loves Jesus and has a tremendous story of healing in this area of her life. She is a safe place for women and girls hurting in this area of their lives.  If you would like to hear Katy’s message you may click on this link -

Here’s one of the questions we received during her panel discussion and Katy’s response to the question.

Question:  I have struggled with sexual purity for a long time and I worry sometimes that God is tired of forgiving me of this sin after struggling with it for so long.  Is this possible? And how can I use this struggle to encourage other women who struggle as well?

Katy’s Response:  When I was struggling with pornography addiction, I must have asked this question about a thousand times.  If we’re being honest, there are still days where I wonder if God forgives me for what I’ve done.  Satan uses sexual sin to make us feel isolated, devalued, and unworthy of receiving love which can then make it intimidating to approach a holy and righteous God with our sin.  Even after I had come out of my addiction, I still didn’t understand how God could love me or forgive me.

Then about three years ago I came across Romans 5:6 which says “You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.”  When I read this, I finally realized that God didn’t wait until I was free from addiction to save me, but rather he knew every sin that I would ever commit and yet still chose to die for me.  God is not surprised by anything.  He knows you intimately.  He knows the areas of struggle, weakness, and brokenness in your life.  He also sees your potential, created you with tremendous purpose, and desires for you to have freedom from sin which is why he provided Jesus as the ultimate sacrifice for your sin.  God’s grace for you is immeasurable and it never runs out!

From my personal experience, the best way to encourage other women is to talk about your own struggle.  Statistically, around 60 percent of women struggle with some form of sexual addiction, so you are not alone! The first time you share this part of your story will be very difficult, but it will also be tremendously freeing.  I have found incredible healing in sharing my story with other women, and being very vulnerable with my small group.

Pastor Mary’s Response:  While I have never dealt with a sexual addiction, I have dealt with sexual abuse which has the potential to lead women to sexual addictions.  Again, based on my story, I cannot emphasis enough, the answers and the freedom that follows, when we begin to seek after and grow our relationship with a loving God who desires to set us free from the chains of addictive behaviors.  Freedom is ours for the asking and seeking.  Surviving the pain by medicating through sexual addictions is not the answer.  Community with other Christ filled women, and our relationship with Jesus, are the starting points. 

We encourage you to reach out and find a group of women who will help you identify the lie that drives your behavior, grieve the wound, and replace the lie with the truth.  There is so much hope in Jesus.  There are answers to the pain and freedom from the shame!  If Pure Desire for Women seems too difficult of a first step, try a Brave Enough Group, or a Story Group.  If you are reading this post and do not live in the Puyallup Valley, find a local church with a strong recovery ministry for women.  Regardless of the group type, find a loving, safe, and real group of women to share your story with and let some healing begin to form in your life. 

We cannot guarantee we will get it all right; however, we do long to be real women who are willing to be honest with our daily struggles in hopes of growing a vibrant, dynamic faith that truly changes our lives and impacts future generations of girls.   We want you to join us on the journey. 

Important next steps for you, or for a friend: 

1.      It’s time to stop judging one another girls!  We have no idea what is going on, or what has gone on, “behind the scenes” in another woman’s life. 

2.     Develop a listening ear and let your friend, mother, daughter, co-worker talk.  You don’t have to have the answers.  Answers can always be found but a listening ear is much harder.  Talking helps a person identify the lies and then there’s opportunity to replace the lies with truth.  It also allows a person who may have never felt “heard” to have a voice.   This new experience of speaking up and sharing can begin to replace the wounded experience and the door to freedom begins to open.

3.     Let’s post comments of encouragement for girls and women who are in the heat of the battle right now.  Together we can overcome, alone we become isolated and can be defeated.

4.     Read these verses, think about one or two for a whole day, ask the Holy Spirit to help you believe what you have read, listen and expect the Spirit to speak to you and bring understanding to why you do what you don’t want to do.  – John 10:10, John:1:12, Romans 3:24, Romans 6:6, John 15:15, Romans 8:2, Romans 8:17, Romans 15:7, 2 Corinthians 5:17

5.     Connect to a group of women who will hear your story without judgment but with loving arms wide open:

6.     Contact Tawni and discuss a Pure Desire for Women’s Group:   Or, if you have a teenage daughter and would like to know how to discuss this hot topic with her, send Katy a message at

Talk to you tomorrow! 

1 comment:

  1. I love this message from author and speaker, Christine Caine: "Shame prompts us to toss away the good gifts we are given. Shame teaches us to hide ourselves, to hunker down wherever we can find a wall of protection. Shame pushes you down and prevents you from becoming all you could be. We have all been affected. But we can all be free." Freedom is found in Christ and it is a race worth running. But in order to start on that path you have to get to the starting line...that's half the battle. I would love to meet you for coffee and just listen to whatever is is weighing you down and help you get to the start.